I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
