so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
