we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
