sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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