I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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