those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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