If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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