I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
