Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
