Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
