Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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