just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize