We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
