Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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