Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
