My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
