Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
