One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
