Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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