I wish my penis had an off switch
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
