Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
