Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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