dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
