u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
