I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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