I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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