it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
