I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
