hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
