Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
