I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
