so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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