I am in a vortex of obligation.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
