Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
