I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
