you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
