I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
