I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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