so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
