i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
