If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
