ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
