I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
