I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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