and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Panties = found
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
