I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
