Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize