her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
