i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
