Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
