he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
