She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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