Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
