apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
