9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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