My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
