Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
