why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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