I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
