She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
