I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
