i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
