and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
