he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
