woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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