She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize