The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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