from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
