If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
