what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
