I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
