True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think my moral compass just broke
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
