i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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