So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize