White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
