i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
