I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
