Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
