Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
