i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize