All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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