Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
