I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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