i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
