M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
