who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
