I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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