Plan B is the new Plan A
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
