Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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