but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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