she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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