remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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