Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
