I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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