is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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