sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
