So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
