just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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