I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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