my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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