He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
