she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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