it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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