DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
