Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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