I'm so fucking centered right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
