I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize