ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
