I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is Oprah even human
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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