Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
