Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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